30, it used to seem like this number, far off in the distance. I have been aimlessly wandering and navigating my twenties, thinking I had tons of time to sow my oats and figure life out. And then, it seems without much warning, 30 arrived. I hear my friends and family telling me it is just a number and how nothing much changes, except of course for the additional lines on my face and the grey hairs that have started to multiply on my head, but it feels, different. I have been struggling for the last month, grappling with turning 30, thinking I should have accomplished more things by now. This was discouraging, but you know what, it's okay. My twenties were tough and at times, even painful. As someone who chooses to do everything the hard way, this should come as no surprise. I learned a lot in my twenties. They made me wiser and I hope, a better, more thoughtful person. I graduated from college, got married and divorced, took risks, followed my heart, bought my first home, renovated a kitchen, developed life-long friendships, traveled overseas, became an aunt, and grew in my career. I am proud of the person I have become and the strength that I have demonstrated over the last few years. I have figured a lot of things out. I have learned a lot about myself. I decided, some time ago, to compile a list of things I learned by the age of 30. I have been slowly adding to the list over the past few months and thought I would share them here.
- There are worst things than being alone. I have found that becoming comfortable, alone, is important. Learn to be happy with and by yourself and then you will never have to depend on someone else to fill that void.
- Invest time in family. Nurture those relationships. Visit your grandparents as often as possible, because we aren't guaranteed copious amounts of time. A 30 minute visit requires very little of you but means the world to them.
- Always know your value and know when to ask for more, from work (a raise) to relationships. When I have chosen to do this, I have often found that people listen.
- Never settle. It is important to compromise in relationships, but never settle for less than you deserve or desire in life.
- Sisters make the best friends. I read a quote recently saying that siblings are the only people with us for our entire lives. Our parents leave us too soon and our spouses arrive too late, but our siblings are by our side through it all. I feel immensely blessed to have my sister in my life. She truly is my best friend. She also has done me the great honor of making me an aunt. For this, I will be forever grateful.
- When people show you who they are, believe them. You can't change people.
- Avoid being judgmental of others. One day, you may find yourself in that person's shoes.
- Bangs are not a good look for me. I constantly see them on other people and think how great they look, but each time I try them, I hate them.
- Travel is never a waste of money. Experience the world and learn about other cultures. You will never look back and say, I wish I hadn't taken that trip to Spain and France.
- Thank you notes are the easiest way to show you care.
- People will disappoint you in life. This is inevitable. Don't be surprised.
- Not all friendships sustain a lifetime, but those that do make up for all of the rest.
- Go for it! Always be someone who goes for it. Don't let fear dictate your life decisions."When a defining moment comes along, you either define the moment or the moment defines you"
- Discover your perfume and wear it forever.
- Wear sunscreen.
- Have a dog in your life. They provide unconditional love and companionship.
- Quality over quantity, always. Buy the expensive pair of shoes, 3 true friends are better than 30 surface ones, and it is often true that you get what you pay for.
- Be a "YES" person. When a friend calls and invites you to dinner, say yes. When a friend calls and invites you on a trip, say yes. When a friend calls crying and needing to talk, say yes. Be reliable, be ready for fun, be there for those people that are important to you.
- Less is more with makeup.
- Botox is painless and preventative.
- Admit when you are wrong. People have great respect for people that can admit failure and apologize.
- Be open-minded
- Always save money. Be responsible with your money. I didn't have a credit card until I was 25 years old. This was genius. I learned to never spend money that I didn't have.
- Don't depend on other people: financially or emotionally.
- Trust God. This one took me a long time to learn. I always assumed I knew best. I have made many decisions in my life based on what I wanted or thought was right, without consulting God. The outcome of these decisions brought little joy to my life. God loves me, therefore he wants me to be happy. This realization was an important one.
- Invest in closet staples.
- Accessories always create a more complete look- in your home and when dressing. A throw pillow, a good trinket, a beautiful scarf all make a look more special.
- A tan does more to make you look beautiful than anything else.
- Before you tell someone something, make sure the information meets these qualifications: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful? I can't say that I abide by this 100% of the time, but I certainly would like to try to do this more.
- Pay attention to your parent's advice, the first time.
- A wise person learns from other people's mistakes, not their own.
